"Being brave and courageous isn’t the absence of fear, but as many have said, it’s the willingness to fight that fear head on. It wouldn’t be courageous if there wasn’t something a bit scary about it."My friend Jamie wrote that in a post from last year. I was randomly skimming through some of her old blog posts for whatever reason and I read that and y'all....
Fear is so very real, isn't it? It's a BATTLE. Every single day! Maybe not everyone has the hard battle I do with it, but I feel fairly safe in saying we all battle it in some form or other. And man what a battle it is!
And now that I'm at a better place with my health, I have no excuse for just sitting idly and refusing to think about this Thing again. So naturally, that's when this incredible FEAR rises! Everything within me may be saying YES, but that fear says what about...what if...what are you doing?! And honestly? I have no idea what I'm doing. I have absolutely no idea where this will take me or what hard I may endure or what exciting stuff may happen. The only thing I do know? Is God has absolutely gotten me this far. I would NOT be here but for Him. I would definitely not be on this cliff edge, wondering if I should jump off into the unknown, but for Him.
Yes, it's scary. But as so many have said through the years, if it's scary that probably means you should do it! If it's scary, that probably means that the enemy is striving hard to keep you from it, because it likely means you could do him some serious damage if you do it! And how amazing would that be? To be a part of the bigger battle! To do some MAJOR damage to the enemy! To become broken and scared and wondering, yet step out anyway! Because God said DO IT and I did.
If He tells me to do it and I don't? Isn't that a MUCH scarier place to be? I think so!
I think maybe He's just waiting for me to LEAP and then He'll take care of the rest. He's waiting for me to prove I believe Him, that I trust Him, and so what if I fall? So what if I leap out and then it turns out maybe I don't actually do this Thing after all? Turning around after leaping out doesn't mean I was wrong. It doesn't mean I misheard Him. It simply means I had things to learn from the experience. It means those steps were necessary in order for the next steps after to be able to happen. For that next person that I might need to help, for that next experience to grow in my knowledge of Him, for the next example I can use to reach someone who is withering in the battle themselves!
For the simple fact that I chose to be obedient.
I've been waiting for the clear sign I've asked for. Didn't I receive it this past week? I'm pretty sure I did! So if that sign is there, how can I deny it?
There are unsettled days
When sense & logic are a tangle of knots
The heart is seeking elsewhere
& every thought is churning
In the question marks & unknowables
& all the unexplainable feelings
(which tumble & crash & loop-de-loop)
God's quiet relentlessness can break our walls
fill our hearts
& make possible embracing our uncertainty
It's there we surrender
& in our yielding, He is Grace
& Hope is brave again
Going back to my own words to remind myself....
Hope is brave again