Most Days.....But Hope!

Most days? I am great.

Most days? I am good with where I am, who I've let in my life, what I am doing, and how it all happens.

Most days.

But then comes that day.

That day when I look at the people I'm surrounded with (different than who I've let in) and I see their rapport and fun (without me) and remember. I remember when I had that and let it go. For good reasons! For excellent reasons actually, but oh do I ever miss it. And I want it back!

That feeling of just getting each other. When whatever mistakes either of you make, it doesn't matter, the other person always understands. The moment that things may happen or words may be said and because you know the other person so well, it's incredibly easy to let it go. To let it slide right off your back.

Those moments when even on miserable days, when everything is going wrong or you're incredibly busy and stressed, you can meet up during that day and, even if only for a few seconds, you can laugh about something or other, or just give a smile and the day gets just a tiny bit better.

You can breathe again.

Those sort of people? Where you eat lunch together and encourage each other in little ways and laugh and cry together. Those people are awesome. Those people are gems. They're rare gems!

Having been around lots of different sorts of people in my adult years, I feel I have the experience to say "Enjoy them." Enjoy that time, enjoy those moments, enjoy those people. In fact, let them know that you enjoy them. Because it may not last.

Circumstances happen. Things change. Life changes. And those awesome people? May become a part of your past instead of your future.

And it's not fun.

When you know what you once had and now you don't. It's at that moment that I wonder if it would have been better to never know that at all than to have it and lose it! But no. That's not right either. Those moments and those people are precious. And even if all I have are the memories (plus text messages and emails!), those memories can see me through these moments without them.

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that hope is always there.

Always!

And even in the hard moments, even in the why moments, even in the crying moments, that hope, while only a teeny tiny light in the darkness, is NOT extinguished yet. And someday it'll grow a whole lot bigger! Even if not in this life but the next one, it'll be so huge by then that He's all I'll be able to see!

Because?

He IS hope!

And His arms are wonderfully tight around me at the moment. (Did you know? God gives some of the best hugs of all. :)

In The Waiting

Wait.

Do you cringe when you hear or read that word?

Confession: I do. I lack patience. Oh, how I lack patience! I know. Everybody says that. But we tend to repeat what's true. Like as if the more I say it, the less true it'll be. Or something. Because I don't want this particular true. I want to be the good girl. The person that patience is a known factor in my life. That has no problems with wait.

But?

Yeah, not so much. I don't like waiting. Even though I know it's part of life, all the time life, I still struggle with it. And right now, when I feel like a perpetual waiting, when my life seems to be at a standstill, when I know I should be moving forward, when I seek....something, but that something is out of reach....

In the waiting...

I'm learning this is a place I visit often. The more life I live, the more time spent here. It seems to be a place of learning......of resting......of being. Where that will lead, only my Father knows. But that's the beauty of it! What I can come back to and rest in and trust in, time after time after time. My Father knows.

How my heart settles when those words ring through it. Such a simple thought. So simple in fact, that to others it may seem a bit silly. A bit untrustworthy. Because humans tend to make complicated. The simple is to be doubted and the complicated trusted. Which....makes no sense when you think about it. But there we are.

And here we are.

Forced into moments of wait.

It's not fun. Nine times out of ten, we do not like it. Yet....it does have its moments. When I realize that what I was waiting on has actually came true and the fact that I waited made it ever so much more precious. That's what our Father knows. It's why He's God, after all. Because He always knows. And I am so glad He does. I sure don't. It's those moments that I realize there was a purpose to the waiting. A purpose that would never have been realized had I pushed ahead anyway.

So at the end of the day? Gratefulness is what I feel. Even in the seemingly yucky place of being in the waiting moments......I always come back to gratitude.

Shouldn't you?

Friends Make Life Sweet

I've been thinking about friendships recently. Maybe because I've had to make lots of new ones and renew lots of old ones in the past several months? When you pull up stakes and move across state lines, that means a whole new set of folks to get acquainted with.

Actually? It can be a bit nerve-wracking.

There. I admit it. I struggle with being comfortable meeting new people. My mind? It goes completely blank at those moments. Blank, I tell you! Conversation with people I've just met (or anyone really) is not my strong point. But amazingly enough....

I've somehow managed to make a few new friendships anyway! :D

And.....AND!!!! And these people really like me! Do you ever get that feeling? I don't know if I'll ever outgrow the desire for people to like me. And when they do, I'm still constantly amazed!

I think it might stem from struggling with making friends when I was younger. I never had a "best friend" when I was growing up. I mean, I wasn't completely friendless mind you. But a core group of people surrounding me? That just didn't happen. I even remember many moments of tearfully wondering if I'd ever have a really close friend. Sadly, I was in doubt of this. Happily, I was wrong! Because eventually a moment came when I found a core group of friends (there were five of us) and those girls gave me so much more than they probably even realize. And we're all still friends today! We don't get together all the time, we don't even chat with each other all the time. But when we do catch up, it's like the time between chats never even existed. It's a beautiful thing.

And somehow as an adult I've managed to make loads of new and close friendships. And one of the most awesome things about adult friendships? Age......makes no difference at all.

It's completely true! It's like age differences just disappear or something. I've recently gotten to know this amazing young woman. Somehow, we simply connect and understand each other. We laugh at the same things and tease each other often and just enjoy the moments when we're together. And not once at any given moment of time spent together, do I stop and think "but she's a decade younger than I". Not once! It simply makes no difference whatsoever. (Of course, I am the elder of the two, so maybe she'd tell you something different. You know, she did just call me a grandma recently.... ;)

Seriously though, I fully believe that God created women to desire relationships. And friendships are a huge part of that. They're important to us. I also believe that we should do all we can to cultivate them. I'm not saying we all need hundreds of friends, although there's nothing wrong with that. But there's also nothing wrong with having only a few close friends.

The important thing is that there's somebody else in our life. That there's somebody else to talk to. That there's somebody else to rely on. That there's somebody else ready to give a hug, listen to you, pray with you, simply be there.

To be there for someone else is....well, there's no words to describe it. It's important.

Another thing I've learned? Is that friendships change. And that's okay. Friends come and go in our lives. Some are there just for a certain moment, to help you through. And some will last a looooonnnnngggg time. Others will be around for a while, leave for a while, and then come back to you! Those are some of the sweetest ones, I have to tell you. A very dear friend of mine would agree. We lost touch for about five or six years or so, and then circumstances brought us back together! I absolutely feel like our friendship is even stronger now than it was before. And it's awesome!!

So I hope you have friends in your life. And if you're like I used to be, disbelieving that there's somebody out there who'll just like you for you, stop doubting. I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know where. But I do know that someday, that somebody will be in your life.

They will!

In fact, they may already be there and you've simply overlooked them. You may need to just open your eyes. You even may need to stir a little bit out of your comfort zone and search for them....but that's a topic for another day.

So be brave. Don't give up. Treasure the friendships you have. Look forward to the friendships that are yet to come. And enjoy!

Be Brave

I was just listening to the audiobook for The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe the other day. In the story, the four Pevensie children learn about bravery. I was also just reading a post by a dear friend who's started a new blog and realizing how brave that is.

Do you know how scary this is?

To take the words from my head and heart and put them out there. In the open. In the void. Where anyone can see them and read them.....anyone at all.

That's scary!

So why do we do it? Why does any kind of writer do it? Put their words out for consumption. Whether for public viewing or even just a significant other or close friend or family member.

It's bravery I tell you. The desire to share, even knowing it may not matter to anyone else but you. I have absolutely no idea whether anyone is even reading this teeny tiny little blog of mine. It's certainly not very exciting around here. But for some unexplainable reason, I felt the need to put the words here.

My words. My thoughts. My heart.

Even if no one else ever reads them, I needed to get them out.

So here am I. My little bitty brave of the day is hitting the publish button on blogger.

Small.

Seemingly insignificant.

But here I am anyway. You know why?

Because one small step...can be the beginning of a journey I've yet to realize. And whatever and wherever it takes me. I am so there.

You matter.

Your words matter.

Your heart matters.....just like mine.

So be brave! Whatever that looks like for you.....be brave.

And Yet...

As I sit here in my quiet, little corner....my mind is wandering so many different directions. About books........about blogging......about my friends......about my job......about life........about my life. As I anticipate the comfort of a chai tea forthwith, I wonder about my comfort levels. And why my life is heading this way, when maybe it should be heading that way.

Who can grasp any kind of understanding of transition?

Because........

Well........

Because that's what my life seems to be all about right now. Not saying that's a bad thing! Just contemplating the fact of it.

Transition - noun - movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.

Yup. That's me alright. Even though I'm not actually going anywhere. Even though I'm not planning anymore upheaval and craziness currently. Even though I'm sitting perfectly still (well, except for the jiggling leg), the space all around my heart just feels like transition.

What that consists of? I really don't know.

All I can tell you is that while life has settled since my Big Move (yes, it deserves caps!), it doesn't feel settled at the same time? Yeah. I know. That makes no sense. But see? It actually kinda does. In a strange, nonsensical, only in my brain and heart, kind of way.

The thing with transition though? As currently living in the state of, I mean. Is that with it comes...fear.

A fear that I'll fall one too many times. A fear that life could be....more. More something. I just don't know what. And here I am. Sitting. Going nowhere. Yet not settled either.

Fear is such a motivator for people. Definitely me! And should it be? Really truly?

In this time of transition, do I really want to let fear control my life? NO! I don't.

And yet.....

That's the kicker, isn't it? Fear shouldn't control, yet by it's very existence, it pushes us out of ourselves. It pushes us to do something. Now granted, that something isn't always a good thing. I am not here to say that fear is the best thing ever. (In fact, it mostly stinks!) Yet I have to acknowledge that it's been my fears that have motivated me to pray more, to call someone up, to even make a Big Move.

So.

Transition.

Fear.

Motivation.

Churning thoughts run through my brain in lickety split speeds. And making sense of it all? *shrugs* Only God can do that.

I can say without one question or doubt, that I am ever so grateful He does!

And yet....

This is why I titled this blog as such. Because this journey? This transitional time? I fight fears and insecurities and doubts, and yet "God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world".

HOPE.

Don't ever leave home without it. :)

A Beginning.......

Here am I.

A beginning.

The first step of a journey.

Where it will take me? I've no idea.

Still.....here I am.

Heart words....hard words.....thought words......fun words.......what am I doing words.......

Bring your tea, your coffee, (or other drink of choice.....or no drink at all!) and your hearts. Because mine is about to open up to share.....

Stick around for the moments?