Dear Friend,
It's scary, isn't it? This not knowing? This new diagnosis that looks huge and terrifying? I know that feeling well. Oh how I know it. I wish I had the words to tell you it will be alright. But the truth is? It won't be. Not really. Your new reality is that your life and all those around your loved one's lives have irrevocably changed. And everything will take on a difficulty that you won't necessarily like.
Parkinson's is a terrible, awful, no good, very bad disease, for the record! And whether you're the one going through it or someone you love dearly is going through it, it just simply stinks. Plain and simple, it's yucky and there is no getting around that!
I was only 10 or so when my mom was diagnosed, so I dealt with it much differently than if I'd been an adult. I know that. But mom did SO well for so many years that it wasn't until the last 8 years or so of her life that we, as her family, had to really look this disease in the face. My dearest mother (and my father, I'm sure) took on the huge burden of what this new thing was going to do to their lives and carried it so calmly and reassuringly that the rest of us had no idea of what they were carrying.
But then...
I was in my upper 20s when mom fell and, through recovery of a broken pelvic bone, threw her Parkinson's into overdrive. Suddenly there was this HUGE UNKNOWN staring me right in the eyes and I had no idea what to do with it. For years, I'd just been in denial, really, that mom's disease affected me. I learned really quickly that it did. When your mother suddenly requires help, when she suddenly can't make any and all decisions alone, when you have to step up and take on more responsibility (on top of your already busy/crazy life of your own), and especially when your parents sit all of you down and admit that they can't do this without you...
Let's just say it was an eye-opener. So I get it! I was forced to make one choice that day. Whether I was going to step up and take on that responsibility, including everything that I didn't know it entailed at the time, or whether I wouldn't. Obviously, you can probably figure out which I chose. But it wasn't easy, and so yours won't be either. But it'll be worth it. Trust me. Looking back on this side of mom's passing, I am so, so grateful I had that time with her.
Yet I'm not kidding when I say it's not easy! It's so much more than just having to physically do things for your loved one that you've never had to do before. It's the emotional side! I think that's actually the hardest. Watching as dignity and pride of both you and your mom have to get tossed out the window so you can help her to the bathroom and other things we're used to keeping private. Struggling to find words to encourage when she's just really tired of fighting this battle and wondering why God thought she could endure it. Your own battle of accepting your new normal and coming to terms with it. (Realizing that sometimes you just don't want to have to help her, you wish your life was "normal" so that you could come and go as you please without constantly wondering how she was doing and if she needed anything and keeping one eye on her at all times. Then immediately feeling guilty for having such understandable feelings!) The emotional aspect is certainly a roller coaster. And the combination of both the physical and emotional toll it takes on you can be more difficult that I can describe.
But now that we've established the terribleness of it, can I tell you something else?
It can bring really good things into your life, if you let it.
- Things like a new appreciation for all the little things we do, such as simply decide I'm going to get up and walk across the room and I do it! It's a daily reminder for how precious life truly is.
- It can bring your family closer together. It did for mine. We had to make effort to contact one another often and check in. Encourage each other that we weren't alone in this battle.
- It'll grow your prayer life and reliance on God like never before! It's definitely a constant reminder that we can't do any of it by ourselves, it's only through His strength.
- It can cause you to find a core group of friends around you who let you vent, give you hugs when you need them, and inspire you to keep going.
Fighting a battle such as Parkinson's Disease can bring some amazing things in your life that you may never have discovered elsewise. God likes to work like that, you know? :)
So what I'm saying is that it's hard, but you can do it. Just remember not to try to do it alone! Because that's what the enemy is going to throw a lot of his poisonous arrows at, our sense of loneliness and fear. Keep praying, get a core group of friends (even if only two or three) to actively pray on a daily (or hourly) basis against this specific thing! It's really amazing how much encouragement it gives when we know someone is praying for us. :)
Above all else, if you remember nothing else from this letter, remember this one thing: God's got this. You may never understand why your family is having to go through this, but He does. He's got a purpose in everything, and as cliched as that sounds, I truly believe there is some AMAZING things that will come out of this if you let Him lead you. You'll probably make some mistakes (I made plenty!), you may even end up with regrets (I definitely did), but the Good Things God will do will be too numerous to list. I believe that with all my heart.
Hang in there, okay? You are not alone.
Love,
Kara
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