it is well

So I occasionally (read: often) have bouts of anxiety. Silly as this may sound, it wasn't until very recently that I ever thought that's what I was dealing with. I mean, I've felt like this a lot throughout my life, but had just never called it that. Never even imagined that's what I was feeling. But it's true. I deal with anxiousness. Not to such an extent that I can't function normally, obviously, but enough that I feel it and I certainly don't always handle it well.

For example, the other afternoon I realized (way too belatedly) that I was feeling overly anxious about a situation. Which then caused me to rapidly search for a way to get around said situation with as little fallout as possible, in which case I overcompensated and inevitably made the situation worse. I wanted to prevent something from happening, but instead perhaps made it happen even faster. Not a great way to handle it, yes?! Still, I did do something right. After the situation was caused and I'd dealt with the immediate stuff, I had a few quiet moments when I realized what I had done and knew I needed to seek God's help in calming myself again. (Also I needed lots of prayer, yay for good friends who answer when you emergency text them!) So with a little time, a lot of prayer, listening to calming music, as well as finding a few scriptures which helped tremendously, my heart had settled again. Yay Jesus! :)

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41.10 kjv

One of the songs I happened to hear was "It is Well With My Soul" by Audrey Assad. I've known this hymn for years, have sung it numerous times, but that day it truly struck me anew. It IS well with my soul! I've heard the story behind the song, though I forget the entire thing I know enough to understand the purpose behind the writing of the lyrics, but I don't know if I've ever truly understood what it meant until now.

Here's what I mean, a dear friend has been revived in spirit the last few months and has been sharing her discoveries with me. What she's learned, and I've been pondering myself, is how much ownership we wrongly take of our emotions. "I feel this way, and since it's a negative feeling, I must, therefore, be a negative person." The enemy sneaks into our heads and throws darts at our emotions, and we let him, so much so that we decide he's right. But that's not what Jesus wants for us! Jesus took on all our negative emotions, all our unreliable feelings about who we are, at the cross. He conquered the power behind those negatives! Therefore, we don't need to claim them as true anymore. We never did, actually! But now we have the Holy Spirit's help in reminding ourselves of Truth. Claiming ownership of negative emotions is NOT truth. Truth is knowing that I'm feeling this negative emotion and my flesh is drawn to believe that it's true, but knowing even more so in my heart that it's not me. That Jesus died so I would never have to own this feeling again. Jesus died to place me back in an honorable position before the Father, which means any thought or feeling that contradicts my honored placement is a lie.

So those feelings of anxiety the other day? I don't need to believe them. In those moments, I need to remind myself that, regardless of how I'm feeling, my honored placement is still true! When the Father looks down on me, He is not seeing that anxiety and fear, He is seeing Jesus' blood which has washed me clean and placed me back in True Fellowship and a True and Honorable place at His side.

Which brings me back to the song. It truly is well with my soul, regardless of what I feel, regardless of what lies the enemy is throwing my way, daring me to believe, regardless of anything.  My place of honor before the Father will never, ever change.

It is well with my soul. *excited dancing inside my heart* :D

Indeed, it truly is.