When we're shattered in pieces
nowhere to turn
emotions all fragile
emitting concern
It takes til that moment
of being o'erwhelmed
it's proven exactly
who's been at the helm

So often we're sure
our life's been on track
yet the smallest blow
just throws us straight back
We're down for the count
wondering why me

Then Jesus whispers
"You need help to see?"
He gathers us tight
wipes tears away
His gentle touch
keeps fear at bay

"Give up the battle
let Me take control
I have already won
the fight for your soul
All you need to do
is let Me inside
I'll wash out that pain
and forever abide
Your strength alone
is no match for Mine
I love you too much
to let you repine
I've got you covered
let go of the wheel
I'll cradle your heart
and ease what you feel"

I lift up my hands
I fall to my knees
I've made things a mess
"Here, take it now please
I trust You with all
I rest in Your hands
I give up control
to Your Master Plan"

As simple as that
my burden is lifted
From my back to His
I know it's been shifted
Comfort steals over
I lay down to rest
in His peace and love
Away leaks the stress
My pillow is soft
my mind starts to slow
no worries are left
God's got this, I know!



I just needed to get my thoughts out of my head...

{My thoughts after reading this article by Rachel. Plus numerous others that I've read in the past.}

I am an odd duck.

Yes, it's very true and I'm really okay with it actually. But I recently had that thought, I shared it with a dear friend, and she looked at me all worried that I may have been saying "I'm weird, nobody likes me, guess I'll go eat worms" or somesuch. Which is SO not the case! Although I am weird. I completely own that I'm odd, especially when it comes to the molds that I so clearly do not fit into.

Let me explain...

I am in my mid 30s (ugh, that's still so strange to say!), I'm single, and I belong to a fairly conservative fellowship. A fellowship filled with people I love dearly! But one thing that comes with conservative traditional types are these little things that I call molds or ideals. For instance, the ideal which says that I should be married by now; I should be an amazing homemaker and cook; I should love children and be heartbroken that I don't have any nor any chance of having any in my near future; I should know how to garden perfectly, and can veggies for the winter, and any number of domestic things that I'm either terrible at or know nothing about. I fit none of those, in case you wondered. And that's okay. It really is.


I think the fact that I'm even aware of these differences, between me and others of similar age and situation, may be a product of people that have no idea what to do with someone like me. No one makes me feel less than, for the record. At least not on purpose. I simply think that those of us like myself (yes, I'm assuming there could be more like me out there somewhere) don't fit very many places. The church doesn't really know how to prepare a young girl for my situation. Nor what to do with me now.

When I was younger, I had dreams of what my 20s and 30s would be like and those dreams definitely had marriage and children in them. Which is a good thing! I don't want to sound like those dreams are bad because they're not. Far from it! But I simply wish there had been someone in my life that would've told me things like:

  • You may not get married and you need to prepare for that. Because that desire to be married won't just go away simply because you tell it to or you ask God to take it. He breathed it into you, it's actually a beautiful thing. But don't let it be the ultimate dream.
  • If you never get married, don't stress! Hang in there. There's so many things you can do with your life, so many adventures you can go on, so many new friends you may make, so much that you wouldn't try otherwise. Look forward to those parts!
  • If you don't marry, it's okay to be sad about that. It's even okay to be happy about that! 
  • You might need a career to support yourself, whether you get married or not. You should be prepared just in case.
  • It's okay not to want to teach at a church private school or whatever your "norm" is for older singles.
  • Some days it really stinks to be single! Be honest about that.
  • But don't become desperate. Yes, you want to be married, but learn to be okay that you're not. Strive to be content with where you're at. Be happy!
  • Surround yourself with friends who will let you be yourself. And love you no matter what.
  • Somehow figure out a way to respectfully respond to those who comment about your singleness. Even when they've hurt you.
  • Do not become bitter!

I loved Rachel's article because I knew she somehow saw into my heart. There are a lot of articles out there about singleness and I've read some of them. But so many say the exact same things. I just want more older singles who feel more like me to be writing! Because the honest truth is I may never get married. And while that may hurt extra hard some days and not at all on others, I want to be able to acknowledge that. I want to know I'm not alone in that. I want to know that on the days I'm happy I'm not married, I'm not too bizarre. I want to know that finding things I love (like books and reading, and blogging, and getting the chance to travel and meet other blogger, readers, and authors) is a good thing! That I can do those things without worrying what you may think of me.

Really, I think I just want to know I'm not the only one who feels odd. To have the knowledge that I'm not alone in my feelings. That someone understands me. I think if someone had told me some of these things when I was a teen, I may have dealt with a few things differently over the years. Maybe I'd be a little less odd now? Or maybe not. But it would've certainly made a difference to my heart.


Step out into the Brave

Do you ever feel like your walk with Jesus is pretty radical? I mean, I'm sure we all do at some point or other, but I'm talking about getting down to the day to day interactions and feelings. I experienced that today. I had a not-fun chat with someone who is not a believer. Now I should clarify that I instigated this convo because this particular someone has been actively showing me that they're upset. Only I wasn't sure why or what exactly I had done. (Which is never a fun feeling, right?) Yesterday some things culminated into me going home last night with a knot in my stomach. (And the determination that I couldn't endure another day like that!)

Then I heard this song...

And it helped give me the brave I needed to take the opportunity that came today and just jump out! I didn't think twice, I'd been praying since yesterday that if the right opportunity came up, that God would help me see it and give me the courage to start the convo. He came through! (Of course. :) So when my chance came, I jumped in with two feet and my heart rate through the roof!

What I figured out? Is that as I am the believer in this friendship, I was going to have to be the one to take one for the team so to speak. They were never going to come to me about this, I had to go to them. This particular someone had a wall a mile wide and tall and thick as all get out. Everything I said felt like it was bouncing off. I struggled for the right words, I prayed frantically for the right words, and whether they came and I said them I'm still uncertain. (I have trouble getting words from my brain out of my mouth in coherent sentences.) But this one thing I know...

God was there.

Through every single bit of the hard conversation, I fully trust and believe He sat right beside me. Even as I heard things I didn't like, even as this particular someone shared the honest truth of the pain in their life (because I do believe the underlying basis for all that's going on is pain. Pain is a huge motivator, isn't it? It's one of the enemy's favorite weapons sadly.), even as I cried (of all things. I was really wishing my emotions weren't so near the surface!), and even as I ended the convo realizing that things weren't really going to change...and yet....

I changed! I felt very confident as I left the room that I had listened to the Spirit and chosen to act as He wanted. Even if things weren't solved, that was okay. I had responded to a situation in as Christ-like a manner as was possible and He had been there through it all.

So what is my point? (I do have one!)

A reminder to myself that, mistakes or no, listening to the Spirit can be as simple and easy as it was today. The conversation may not have been easy, but that moment when I knew my opportunity was there and I needed to grab hold, I ignored the elevated heart rate and the Fear, grabbed my Brave and stepped out.

And you know what? I think that's all God asks of us so much of the time. I can't fix this situation. I can do nothing to change this person or make them understand my heart. But God can. And He will. I just have to trust Him. He's the One who's going to make the situation better. All my own words will do nothing. But His words? His love? He can do anything! All he needs from me is my willingness to do whatever He asks.

Choose to Trust, step out into the Brave, and let God handle it.

How easy is that? :)