it's a faith thing...

"And then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick." ~ JRR Tolkien, The Hobbit

So I leaped a couple weeks ago. A mini leap, if you will. Nothing great, or huge, or amazing. Except actually it was? Not to anyone else but me (and God!), of course, but that's okay. Because it was fairly incredible for me! And I seem to get reminded of how incredible it is whenever I begin to speak of the New to someone else who hasn't heard it yet. (Which turns out to happen a great deal, as I haven't shared this New with hardly anybody prior to now! Not the details anyway.)

I've had small little convos here and there with just a few in my life that I decided it high time they knew where my heart was reaching. It's during these serious convos that I forget how exciting it is! I get focused on the Hard and the Unknown, because believe me, those things are there and quite big. Yet as I sit here contemplating (only in my own heart) all the details and the what ifs and the unknowns and all the scary, I am filled yet again with a heart-beating-loud excitement! (Or maybe it's because I'm currently sitting in my newest fave spot, a quaint little coffee shop that just gets my creative heart pumping hard. :) It's true, there is much to contemplate before I jump off the ledge into God's arms. I know He'll be there, but I want to be sure that He wants me there, off this particular ledge I mean.

I was talking with a friend last week and he stated exactly what I was feeling but couldn't put in words. Approximately a month ago, when this door suddenly made itself known to me, I stood in front of it for days and days, staring and praying and contemplating. Wanting to be absolutely certain that God wanted me to go through it. Finally that moment came when I knew it was time to step over the threshold. But now, I no longer have as much time to just stand and contemplate the roads before me! I'm still praying and seeking, don't get me wrong, but I'm learning that the praying and seeking have to come mid-stride, not while standing still in one place. I have to keep going, keep walking, and each time I raise my foot and lower it down, I want to be certain that I'm moving in the direction that God is leading me.

That's tough, friends! It's the obedience in action. Which, I know, is so much of our constant daily lives, but it simply feels way different when I'm moving towards a scary and BIG change and direction! And all the potentials for moving out in the wrong direction seem bigger too. Because I want certainty. And obedience in action doesn't always bring immediate certainty. Or maybe it does? I'm not clear on this quite yet. God and I obviously still have much to chat about!

Really, I think it's more of a faith thing. Faith that brings obedience that brings action. How much of what I'm thinking and praying about am I willing to step out in faith for? Am I going to continue to doubt and wonder whether this certain path is where God is leading? (I mean, He's clearly put it in my heart, otherwise I wouldn't be so focused and unable to think about anything else. He never places things and options in our path if He didn't want us to pray about them, right?) Or am I going to stop the doubt RIGHT HERE and move forward without it? How much am I trusting my Father? How much am I willing to surrender? Everything? Because until I can surrender it all, I'm probably not going to get very far...

Yet I was just reminded of those verses in Mark chapter 5, where it's talking about the lady with the issue of blood and how she gets healed. We read through that chapter several months ago during church one Sunday and this particular verse has been stuck in my heart ever since:

vs 34 "And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole..."

And also this one:

vs 36 "As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe."

"Something Tookish" has been gripping my heart for months, for years even, and I think it's high time I paid attention. My heart has been stymied by all manner of doubt and fear, even while everything else within me is screaming to go for it. So why am I listening to the doubt? Why am concentrating so heavily on the what ifs? What if God is simply waiting for me to let go and move?  I want to be determined to stop the fears and doubts right now, right here, right this very second. When everything in me says YES, YES, YES. It looks big, yes. It looks hard, yes. It looks uncomfortable and crazy and all manner of things, yes. But where in God's Word does it say I need to be concerned with uncomfortable and crazy? So this is me, reminding myself again.

God's got this! He's got me. Cradled right there in His arms and He'll never let me go.

Onward!

:: LEAP ::

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." —Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG)
This passage is very dear to me. It's convicting. In fact it WAS so convicting to me more than five years ago, that it set our family on a course of life-change we never could have imagined.
I was struggling with the first part of that verse -- the self-exploration I did resulted in a mirror image of a woman I didn't want to be. There was this small flicker of a flame -- a dream of creativity on my heart -- that for the life of me, I just could not shake. And each day, I went to work. Happy to have a job. Responsible to contribute to the care of our family. But feelings of discontent began to override any of the comforts in the life we'd built for ourselves. And out of the exploration (and several years of focused prayer), my husband and I had a sense that God was calling us to more. Not to have more or achieve or collect or succeed by the world's standards. This was spiritually more. To be closer. Walk farther. Dig deeper into the heart of God through His Word. To live a life that was sold-out. Sold-out to Jesus. And that was new, scary...exhilarating to imagine.
What if we weren't afraid to take a leap?
What if we could risk in order to live the life God had put on our hearts?
It IS possible. Maybe someone needs to hear that today? That the dream-of-your-heart moments are not disposable to God! They're not wasted. They're not meant to be tucked away for some brave moment in the future when we might give it a try. Why? He put the dreams there on your inner-most heart. He engraved the creativity. This is the ONE LIFE we get. And it's not meant to be spent living it safe. We can trust Him with our loftiest dreams. We can risk with Him -- because the truth is, He will never let us fall.
So EXPLORE today. Look where He's sending you. Just wait and see what He will do... Here's to the dream-chasers!"
~ Kristy Cambron via Instagram

Kristy wrote that last fall, almost a year ago in fact. And it spoke to my heart. Oh, friends how it shouted! But I could in no way tell you why or what on earth it actually was that my heart was feeling in that moment when I read those words. All I knew is that it felt something. Something clear as a bell rang through the fog and I knew. Only I didn't know what I knew!!

How crazy is that? It makes no sense, right? I completely agree. Only I think I may finally be starting to understand it? Because the heart-dream that I had tucked way, WAY down deep inside? So deep that I barely even remembered it was there? It's speaking to me this days, friends. My heart jumps and leaps and beats crazy hard these days. And I still don't know precisely what it looks like, but I know it's there. I know I'm feeling it and I'm excited! So excited that even just writing about it right now, at the mere thought of it, my heart is nonsensically happy. It's leaping and bounding, sort of like Tigger does in Winnie the Pooh! ;D

Excited to the point that I can't hardly contain it! I've haven't felt this way since I don't even know when. It's hard for me to even pinpoint the last time my heart beat so crazily at the mere thought of a Thing, it's really been that long. And the Thing! Oh friends, I don't know what this Thing is going to be. I'm still working through what the Thing is going to look like, what it's going to entail, where it's going take my heart....and it's a fear-filled huge jump out of my nice little comfort zone. Here where I'm content, most days I'm happy and joy-filled and getting through. Yet this Thing? While there is great potential to be quite happy and joyful and filled to the brim with MORE, it also looks really, really........scary. And impossible. There are SO many things that would have to fall into place perfectly for this to happen. Scary things. Hard things. Things that I'd have to accept for the miracle they are, yet I know the guilt and wondering that could come along with them.

Yet here's the kicker. Today I was pondering a convo I had recently with this awesome teen that I know. He is in his senior year of high school and imagining where his future is going to take him. Which is an exciting place to be! (I should know. ;) But where my thoughts were going was how badly I wanted to tell him to LEAP!

My mind immediately went to Serena Chase's dedication in her latest book Intermission. Wherein, as you can see, she tells us to hold on and then when the time is right, we need to leap. Leap out in full faith that Jesus will guide our steps! This particular teen has some ideas of where he'd like his future to go and, as is wise, he was cautiously excited about a couple new ideas thrown out at him. He absolutely does need to be sure God is guiding him this way. However, I really want to shout at him to step out anyway! Because that excitement he's feeling? God placed it there. I'm absolutely certain about that. And God never, ever, ever places excitement for something in our hearts but what it doesn't lead somewhere awesome. Granted, it may not look exactly like we're first picturing, but that doesn't mean it won't be AMAZING. God just works like that.

Someone told me that very thing recently and I was struggling to believe it. I knew it in my head, but getting my heart to cling to it? A whole other thing entirely. Yet when I pictured myself trying to say this same thing to my teenage friend? I had no hesitation whatsoever! As that occurred to me, I realized I needed to be taking my own advice, I needed to believe it about myself just as much as I believed it about him.

So I'm taking it. Today, I am claiming that for me. Whatever this Thing is in my life, whatever God has planned for it, whatever it looks like, however crazy and impossible it seems, I'm claiming it. I'm tired of dithering. I'm tired of circling my brain over and around and all topsy-turvy. It's mine. He planned it and He gave it and He'll water and care over it and make it glorious to Him.

All I have to do? Is just say yes. Simple as that!

Here I am, Lord, leaping.

YES.

stories

{So my birthday happened recently and a dear friend had a little party for me. A bookish sort of party! :) She requested that I pick out a quote from a book that I really liked or I could write a poem or whatever inspired me... So! I happened to remember one of my very favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis and this poem happened.}

A story begins with chapter one
(as does life)
Even the Bible has a beginning
Not so, with God
He always was
is
& will be
Yet in that Great Infinite
He understands
our hearts need story
Immersing ourselves
& our imaginations
in this incredible adventure
With our newborn cry
our first pages are written
& the story grows
Sometimes the path is easy
(not much is happening on the page)
yet moments may come
rushing one to the next
as the plot thickens!
Mystery
Romance
Action
Drama
our lives mix genres
at any one time
With a constant Thread of Hope
weaving in & out
of every moment
Friendships
Relationships
building characters & heart
amongst a backdrop of unimaginable Beauty
(for God's world-building is limitless)
Every word & breath
with a Purpose
moving scenes forward
step by step
page by page
until we reach the Climax
"& for us this is the end
of all the stories
& we can most truly say...
they all lived
happily ever after
But...
it was only the beginning
of the real story
All their life in this world...
had only been
the cover & the title page
now at last
they were beginning Chapter One
of the Great Story
which goes on
for ever
in which every chapter
is better
than the one before"

kara
{& C.S. Lewis "The Last Battle"}
8.26.17