hard things

You'd think that my heart would be quite sore by now, the way it rises and sinks depending on the day and the moment. It gets lots of good exercise, I can tell you that! If it's not my own emotions causing the upheaval, it's someone around me. And it seems a pretty near constant. *big sigh*

One of the hardest things, I have come to find, is allowing others their own free will. I know I have mine and goodness do I appreciate it most days, yet when it comes to someone else? When you see the choices they make and your heart hurts for the pain you know will come to them? When you see the twisty ways they circle in and around trying to make illogical and unreasonable excuses? When you want to shake them and force them to see how difficult they're making it for themselves?

Ah, my heart!

Life isn't actually that complicated, it's just that we humans tend to make it that way, sadly. And when I look at someone I care about and see the devastating places they are headed, the turmoil that could be nonexistent but for their own refusal to see....it saddens me. Because I can't make them see it. I can tell them and I can show them over and over and over, but until they are willing to break out from behind the walls surrounding them, until they choose to really listen and allow Truth to sink deep in their souls, I can do nothing but love them.

And pray, of course! {Which is the very best I can do anyway, so why do I tend to use it as a last resort? Silly me.}

I have been learning precisely how difficult it is to sit back and watch someone actively choose the hard way, to make themselves miserable, when help is but a single question away. It's just hard! And figuring out where to plant His seed and where to water and where to leave them alone so His work can be done without me distracting...it's not an easy road, is it? My heart is a tender thing, it loves fairly easily, I can't help it. And when you love someone, it makes you vulnerable to them. Which is not a bad thing at all! It just makes it easy for that someone to hurt you.

Vulnerable is what Jesus made Himself in the garden. (Remember that incredible intercessory prayer from John 17?) He makes Himself vulnerable to us again and again, every single day, so why wouldn't He ask the same of us? Of course He does. He wants us to love others and put ourselves out there. Even when it's hard. Even when it hurts. Even if they do or don't appreciate it, or we feel like they do or don't deserve it.

Love hard and love well, I think that's what He's telling us. And when God reaches down and reminds me that He's got this, that I can trust Him absolutely, oh how my soul sings with comfort!

So I begin again.

Loving anyway.

Regardless.

~~~~~~

My heart is tender
It cares
& sitting there
listening to the
Miserableness
Despair
Worry
it hurts
it wrenches my soul
They choose this
day after day after day
they make Simple, Complicated instead
they are blinded
they are deaf
& I am tired
Fighting for someone is painful
So I pray
Long & Hard
then
Longer & Harder still
Only His Power & Strength are able
not mine
His Still, Small Voice
gently whispers
I want them to Hear
they believe lies, not Truth
Yet
Complicated can become Simple again
If I let go
Trust Him
The battle is His
not mine
He's got this
& it turns out
putting them in His care
is the easiest thing in the world

kara
3.11.17