breathing hope

Some days just breathing is about all I can do
It's all so fresh
so raw
It hurts
I imagine getting over it
but I can't
How can I?
My
Mother
Is
Gone
Words that I imagined saying before
but I could never have imagined these feelings
When they say there's a hollowness inside your chest?
they're right
When they say your throat becomes a lump of hard
& it's near impossible to swallow?
they're right
When they say the tears come at odd moments
& swallow you whole?
they're right
When they say bursts of emotion will happen
& then you're fine again?
they're right
When they say your memories come back
& make you laugh
& cry all at the same time?
they're right
When they say you want to talk about your mother all the time
& bring her up in every conversation?
they're right
When they say it takes TIME?
they're right
It's feelings unlike any I've ever felt before
& the millions of words I could try
to describe them wouldn't even begin to scratch the surface
or even make sense
unless you've been there
unless you've felt it too
unless you're still feeling it
Because losing your mother is only experienced
it cannot be described
or imagined
it can only be felt
& adjusted to
there is no getting over
There's only straight through
one small step
one smile
one choice
Keep
Living
Hope on, my heart
Life is waiting

6.27.16
kara